Back in the good old days of the Internet, there was a website called the 218 Things Skippy isn't allowed to do in the US Army.

This is our version.

The Things Crewman Skippy isn't allowed to do on the USS Animus

• 1. My proper Starfleet title is Crewman Skippy not ‘The Lord High Executioner’
• 2. Not allowed to threaten anyone with decompression
• 3. Our CMO is called ‘Commander Manuel’ not ‘Dr. Feelgood the Pleasure Princess’
• 4. Must not refer to the CO as ‘Dad’ (only Cadet Manuel is allowed to do that)
• 5. Must not refer to the XO as ‘Mum’
• 6. Not allowed to mount a bayonet to a phaser rifle and I have to explain where I got a bayonet
• 7. Not allowed to attach any Klingon-bladed weapons to the end of a phaser rifle
• 8. Also not allowed to make a rifle that shoots any Klingon-bladed weapons
• 9. The #announcements channel is for the transmission of crucial ship-wide information, not my own personal soapbox
• 10. Crewman Betsy is to be walked frequently but is no longer allowed in Engineering
• 11. If the thought of something makes me giggle for more than 12 seconds I am to assume I am not allowed to do it unless I ask the Captain if he wants to join in
• 12. The velociraptor is not allowed to be trained to eat Labradors
• 13. Not allowed to use a coin flip to make critical decisions, (even if I did see the Captain do it once)